It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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