I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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