i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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