I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
