We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize