you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize