This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
