$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
