"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
