i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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