I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
