I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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