her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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