My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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