ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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