absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
