this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
