chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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