she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
