Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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