If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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