Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
