i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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