The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize