thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
