We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
