I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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