I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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