do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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