some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
