if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
