I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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