Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
