I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize