it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
