if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
