Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
