I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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