Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
