You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
