My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
