And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
