She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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