i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
