I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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