We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
