is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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