they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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