do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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