Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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