Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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