My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
