i just wanna soil my oats bro
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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