i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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