Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
