YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize