My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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