Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
