The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize