At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
