We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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