He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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