i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
send nudes
from the living room?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
